Thursday, April 10, 2014

#5 - Anxious

I am not very good at not worrying... Just saying.

     I recently entered a song writing contest. I did not care whether I won or not until yesterday, the day I decided to dedicate any prize money towards one of my dearest teacher's retirement. Every time I post about it, I am terrified as to whether or not she will see my post. I do not wish her to know. It must be a total surprise. I also do not wish to go through all this only to lose.

     It is as if my insides are a bundled and twisted mess of anxious nerves. Everything within wants to win this thing. It is so possible. It could make such a difference. If God gave me the ability to write basic songs for any reason at all, this would be good enough for me!

To understand where I am coming from, here is the email I sent to my fellow students:

Hello you awesome Spanish students!
Operation Unicorn is a go. Now we need the funds. Here's the plan. 
I entered a song writing contest that is determined by the voters.

1st place is $500, 2nd is $100 and 3rd is $50. If I win, the funds will be dedicated towards Mrs. W and the ULA. Giving Mrs. W the best good bye ever will be more than possible!!

Will you help us out? All you need to do is vote for my song once a day every day until Monday afternoon.

30 seconds a day = a lifetime memory!

Here's the link:
Indi: Original Song - Original Song Challenge - Rachael Benedict
Original Song episode created by Rachael Benedict

Let's do this f​or Mrs. W! :D

In light of this, I will be praying like a maniac. Also I will be praising God while I am at too. He is so good. He has a purpose for all of this. At least in the end I can say I tried. God will take care of the rest. 
If you care to play a part in this unfolding story, please vote for my song. Make a difference in a teacher's life that made a difference in the lives of countless young people!

This is for you Mrs. W! 

Friday, November 1, 2013

#4 - On a more personal note..

A basketball game was the last place I would expect to feel my heart ache. 

Oh did it ache!

What is it with the heart? Why is it when we miss someone the most, that inevitable throbbing within you begins? 

Nothing can be done. 

You just sit there.....aching......wishing that someone understood your longing just to be with that one person.

So I was sitting at the basketball game soaking it all in. That and tweeting laughs along the way. It was a great game! There were some intense moments, but all in all it was going well. Basketball games are all about the game, but sometimes you got to fit in some people watching too. 

As I scanned the crowd, my eyes came across two friends sitting in the stands. They had graduated together and seemed to be good buds. They just sat there chatting and laughing. Apparently their conversation had crossed ridiculous highway, and the one girl couldn't help but just lean her forehead into her friend and laugh away! 

Insert heart aching here. 

Yep. That brought back memories. Oh the memories.

One of my favorite people this summer did that exact same thing to me. 

We'll call her Jo.

Everything possible could have gone wrong that day. Jo and I had a presentation to get ready for. Not happening. We were trying to get a file from her sister in another state via the internet. Time was against us. 
Jo's sister had just finished not even half an hour before the session that morning.  BUT she did send it! 
Just as she did, her computer SHUT DOWN. Then Jo sent it to me. Just as she did, her battery practically DIED! Then I got it and barely loaded JUST as the presentation for the lesson began. Talk about WACKY!!! 
The pure adrenaline rush of the moment was so overwhelming, all  Jo could do was lean in and laugh.

At this basketball game, that's what I saw. That one moment from that one summer that I missed incredibly. 
That was a good week. One of the best. Man, I miss it. Man, do I miss those peeps. 

Anyway, I'm just going to go back to my corner and let my heart finish up here. 

Night guys. <3

Sunday, September 29, 2013

# 3 - Stay in the Now

If there is one weakness I have, it is my inability to stay in the now.

My mind likes to take road trips everywhere. It will visit high school, my old home town, my summer ministry opportunities and then the future. Ah yes, the unknown potential-filled future. That is a fun one to play with for sure.
Who knows what is just around the river bend? Why live the safe route, ya know?

All of this detracts from the now. The reality that I have a test I have not studied for and assignments I have not done. I distracts from the sad fact that my money is dwindling while other financial demands or desires rise.

God is not interested in the past. He forgives and forgets.
In regards to the future, He has that in His hands.

So what is my job?
To serve Him in the now, the complete the task given me.
To refuse to do so is a sin. That's right. I'm sinning when I don't do what I now is right....right now.

These are my thoughts. This is my struggle.

But thankfully THIS IS MY GOD. The Look by Steve Pettit Evangelistic Team on Grooveshark

Thursday, September 12, 2013

# 2 - This may sound conceited or odd....

This may sound conceited or odd. To be honest, I'm not really sure.
The honest truth is though, for the first time in my life, I can look at myself and say, "Wow, I'm pretty. I'm actually pretty."
It's not for real reasons. It's just I've been growing up and changing, and I'm actually okay with how I look. I've learned to use makeup for one. haha!

Unfortunately, I know I shouldn't get too excited about it. I definitely shouldn't get caught up in it.
True beauty is not on the outside.
True beauty comes from the inside.
That is why, although I may be okay with how I look on the outside, I know on the inside I'm not nearly as "beautiful" as I ought to be.
Many ugly thoughts and decisions have floated through my head. I'm like beautiful like Jesus was.
I want to be beautiful like my Jesus was. When He was on earth, He loved beautiful unconditionally.
He did not tolerate sin. He didn't sin for that matter.
He spend hours with the Father, because He knew that's what really mattered.

I don't know Jesus as well as I should, but I do know this. Jesus is the most incredible person in the world. He is perfect and good. He is the epitome of manhood. He is Holy, Holy, HOLY.

Jesus is beautiful.

Friday, January 18, 2013

# 1 - I need to...

January 18, 2013

This quote really expresses what I need to learn this year, this glorious year of 2013. 

True satisfaction does not come from things or people. God has ordained my life and true satisfaction can only come from Him.

God is waiting. <3 

The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.
Psalm 34:15